Does anyone know how to get a refund on a $2 million underground bunker?
You know, you may think the world didn’t end yesterday because it was never going to. But according to some, you’d be wrong.
Let me list the ways! Here are a few reasons some think the world didn’t end yesterday, and why we may be doomed after all.
We miscalculated! It’s going to end Sunday! Some say the Mayan Long Count Calendar’s 13th cycle actually ends on December 23, 2012. Sunday. Tomorrow. So don’t climb out of your bunker just yet.
No, wait. Actually it’s next year. Remember the fuss that was made when we hit the new millennium? Did it begin in 2000 (a zero year) or 2001? 2001 was the answer, I guess. Some wonder, however, if the same “zero year” reasoning may be applicable to the Mayan Long Count Calendar, and that the world may, in fact, end this time next year!
You know what? No. It’s in 2015. This is when the fun will begin. You see, December 21 was just the starting bell, and we’ll experience an escalation of natural disasters until the year 2015, when everything truly comes together.
The conspiracy was a conspiracy! The build-up to the uneventful 2012 Doomsday was just a ploy to convince believers to not believe anymore. Lull them into a false sense of security. Because it didn’t happen, they’ll become disenchanted and lose interest in conspiracies. And that’s when it happens.
The conspiracy was a conspiracy was a conspiracy! Actually, that’s just what they want you to think. That it didn’t happen. But it did, and they covered it up. Maybe even threw out a false date to obfuscate the real one.
You see? It did end. You just don’t know it, yet. Like a silent, invisible force, the apocalypse did occur on December 21. But you didn’t see it, and you didn’t hear it. It’s very subtle. Oh, but you’ll learn soon enough. I am super cereal.
We were saved! Some lone archaeologist, we’ll call him Jones, was able to stop the feathered serpent Kukulkán from rising, and sealed him beneath Chichen Itza before he could unleash the apocalypse. What a pro.
Well, it’s still kind of ending, isn’t it? You know, doomsdays. Everyday’s a doomsday. We still have an economic armageddon to look forward to, and some kind of cliff or something. See? There’s still doom! We’re doomed!
Wow. That list was longer than I thought it’d be. You know what? Let’s just ask NASA…
I suppose that’s that, then. The masquerade’s over. Time to go home. No doomsday, no end of the world. I went to the Mayan Apocalypse and all I got was this lousy t-shirt, etc.
Oh, well. We’ll always have 2038.
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