Strange Patents: The High Five Machine

If there’s one mystery of the universe I’ve never fully understood, it’s what to do when I feel like giving someone a high five and no one’s around. I know I’m not alone on this, because in 1993 someone filed patent US 5356330 to answer all of my high-fiving prayers.

It’s called the “apparatus for simulating a high five.” Abstract:

“An apparatus for simulating a ‘high-five’ including a lower arm portion having a simulated hand removably attached thereto, an upper arm portion, an elbow joint for pivotally securing the lower arm portion to the upper arm portion, and a spring biasing element for biasing the upper and lower arm portions towards a predetermined alignment.”

The idea for the machine came from a simple, albeit profound, observation: you can’t give anyone a high five when you’re alone, no matter how badly you want to. Your team just scored a goal? High five! Oh, wait, I’m a total loner and my only companion is a half-eaten bag of Doritos.

“…as known in the art, a ‘high five’ requires the mutual hand slapping of two participants, wherein a first participant slaps an upraised hand against the elevated hand of a second participant. As such, a solitary fan is unable to perform a ‘high five’ to express excitement during a televised sporting event.”

high-five-machineDon’t worry; the High Five Machine has your back. Comprised of a “pivotable, self-righting hand-arm,” the High Five Machine simulates a natural human high five in two possible configurations: bent at the “elbow” or with the arm straight up.

And bonus: it can also be used for exercise, as “the hand-arm configuration synergistically improves the hand-eye coordination of a user and/or, depending upon specific placement, provides an exercise device for enhancing the jumping skills of a user.”

I’ll take five!


Rob Schwarz

Writer, blogger, and part-time peddler of mysterious tales. Editor-in-chief of Stranger Dimensions.

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