Quite Possibly The Strangest (And Best) Amazon Product Review Ever Written

Posted by on February 16, 2012

Here's Waldo!

I’ve had this bookmarked since around October:

Elope Wheres Waldo Adult Costume Kit

Don’t ask me why I was looking at a Where’s Waldo Halloween costume to begin with, though. I honestly don’t remember, and that’s a mystery even I can’t solve.

But you know what? It was serendipity, because in the process I stumbled upon the best online review I’ve ever read:

I bought this outfit as my new battle garb for the ongoing war between the Lumberjack-Ninjas and the Nazi-Zombie-Pirates-who-are-also-Aliens. Wearing this outfit on the battlefield makes you almost IMPOSSIBLE to see, and I was able to silently assassinate many a NZPA sniper and officer whilst wearing it. It does get dirty quite easily, but the blood blends in rather nicely with the stripes. Recommend multiple sets so once the entire ensemble is caked in the ichor of your enemy, you can simply burn it along with the husks of your enemies.

I almost bought the thing right then and there. I mean, other reviewers seem to agree:

In urban warfare, one of the key tenets of infiltration is “Blend in, destroy from within”. This Waldo tactical battle dress uniform (WTBDU) can be the difference between exacting revenge upon your enemies and getting an RPG up the gullet.

The WTBDU is constructed from the finest blend of synthetic and natural fibers allowing full mobility, comfort and binary-hued fashion under the most physical duress. The extra internal pockets are perfect for combustible munitions, plug wires, small chugs, medium chugs, goth boxes, carp runners, sled jiggers, peltier-effect oscillators, homogeneous (and inhomogeneous) fire retardents, and fissile materials of all atomic weight. Your enemy’s last words may likely be “how functional, yet fashionable”.

In short, the WTBDU is the perfect TBDU from Catalina Island to Liechtenstein. Paired with a 7/8″ anodized aluminum black folding cane, you have the ultimate mixed street/sanitarium cross-battle combination. Your country will be proud.

If I’m ever in the market for a sturdy yet stylish battle garb to protect me in the never-ending war against NAZI-Zombie-Pirates-who-are-also-Aliens, I know where to go.

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About the Author Post by Rob Schwarz

Rob Schwarz is a writer, blogger, and part-time peddler of mysterious tales. He manages Stranger Dimensions in between changing aquarium filters and reading bad novels about mermaids.