What To Do If You Can’t Afford An Underground Bunker

5 Fun Tips

The end is coming.

Well, maybe.

We all know the stories of 2012: The end of the Mayan long count calendar; the slow, creeping threat of a solar maximum; the hidden Planet X, Nibiru. Toss in the construction of a Doomsday Seed Bank in Norway (also known by the less ominous title of Svalbard Global Seed Vault) and you have the makings of an End Times scare.

The rich and famous, and those within the world’s governments, no doubt have their own plans. There are secret (well, secret-ish) underground bunkers littered around the United States waiting to be used in the event of global catastrophe.

But what about the rest of us?

Here are a few things you can do to prepare for 2012, even if you can’t afford a fancy underground bunker.

1. Build your own bunker.

Why rely on the government or massive corporations to provide you shelter from the coming end — build one yourself! Fallout shelters have been around since the arrival of the Atomic Age, and several resources online exist to help you get started in constructing your own.

Of course, unless you know what you’re doing, your bunker will probably look less like this:

Doomsday Bunker
The Svalbard Global Seed Vault (Image courtesy Svalbard Global Seed Vault/Mari Tefre)

And more like this:

Makeshift Doomsday Bunker
Image: Erich Ferdinand via CC by 2.0

It’s a start, though.

2. Rent a bunker.

Construction not your strong suit? Several rental opportunities exist in the 2012 apocalypse bunker market, with underground pods and luxury homesteads built specifically to circumvent the nasty side effects of the complete annihilation of all life on Earth.

One such company, which provides an underground bunker resort, is Vivos. Based in California, Vivos promises its “shareholders” access to a luxurious underground living chamber complete with all the basic necessities, including dental and medical care, private dwellings, and community lounge areas.

Bonus: Pets get in free.

3. Turn your house into a bunker.

Worst case scenario: You can’t build or rent a bunker. Those fancy resorts? They cost tens of thousands of dollars, anyway.

That’s okay. With duct tape, some plastic sheets, and a bit of imagination, you can seal your home and convert it into a makeshift doomsday prevention bubble. Don’t knock it. Back in the days of our early post-9/11 world, worries about anthrax caused many to do just that. People snatched up as much duct tape as they could find from Wal-Mart, and taped sheets of plastic around their homes to keep out all the harmful chemicals.

Granted, a few sheets of plastic won’t protect you from asteroid collisions or massive solar flares, but it’s an idea.

4. Stock up on food, water, and medical supplies.

Regardless of wherever you plan to stay after the world ends (providing you survive), you’re still going to need some basic supplies. Stuff for everyday survival: A water purifier, dry foods, medical kits. Band-aids. Vegetable seeds (for your very own Armageddon Garden).

Solar panels, batteries, and hand-crank radios and flashlights would also be a good idea.

Oh, and don’t forget the canned peas.

5. Create A Post-Apocalyptic Bag Of Weapons.

Vault Boy
Image: Jamiecat * via CC by 2.0

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from movies and video games (and a few TV shows), it’s that the end of the world is usually followed by looters, rogue cults, and the occasional giant mutant ant.

Fend off these threats by preparing a goody bag of various tools and weaponry: Sawed-off shotguns, baseball bats, and maybe a few hazmat suits.

And ammo. Don’t forget the ammo.

6. Move to the mountains.

There are some survival groups around the world hoping to head for higher ground before the 2012 prophecies come to pass. Their destination? High up in the mountains.

They’re building fortifications for protection against the rising waters and anarchy that will undoubtedly follow the apocalypse.

You may try joining one of these groups or, if team work isn’t your thing, set out on your own.

7. Hide under a desk.

If all else fails, take a cue from the Golden Age and find a school desk to hide under.

Here’s a short how-to video to get you started:

Rob Schwarz

Writer, blogger, and part-time peddler of mysterious tales. Editor-in-chief of Stranger Dimensions.

Related Articles