Folks, we need to talk.
Apparently, there’s a situation brewing that, until a few days ago, I wasn’t aware of. That’s right: Humanity is being attacked by gnomes.
A gnome, to give a brief description, is a fantastical underground creature, short in stature, that is usually depicted as wearing a tall pointy hat. They’re thought to be purely mythological, first appearing in the 16th Century with the works of alchemist Paracelsus, who described them as “earth elementals.” Other cultures, however, have their own variations on gnome-like mythology.
Nowadays, some of you may even be familiar with the common garden gnome, a simple porcelain ornamental designed to add a bit of color and liveliness to your outdoor vegetable garden.
But are gnomes real? And can they be trusted?
Gnomes Sightings On The Rise
Believe it or not, several reported gnome sightings have occurred throughout Mexico and South America (specifically Argentina), where they are called duendes (fairy- or goblin-like creatures).
In 2011, Inexplicata shared a story out of Santiago del Estero telling of a “striking imp” that would leap out of darkened places and “pummel” people. It was a described as a “dwarf” wearing “an enormous hat,” and the situation got so bad that police even warned people not to go out walking alone at night.
Here are just a handful of other reported gnome sightings in recent years.
In 2008, reports surfaced that a small town in Argentina was being terrorized by a gnome, or duende, wearing the aforementioned tall pointy hat. This had gone on for quite a while in Guemes, but it wasn’t until someone captured the following footage that their struggle gained international attention.
In the video, you can see a group of boys talking while one films with his cell phone. They suddenly get quiet when they hear “a weird noise as if someone was throwing stones.”
When they turn to see what it was, they find something that truly terrifies them: a dancing gnome. The last thing we hear are their horrified screams.
Unfortunately, the footage is too dark and blurry to discern the color of the dancing gnome’s hat. We may never know the truth.
Gnome Crossing the Street
In a similar encounter, a group are hanging out in the middle of a road, themselves dancing, when they see a gnome shuffle across. This video also ends with the haunting screams of the victims.
Gnome Attack In Mexico
Finally, here we see a group of people kicking a ball around in their backyard. One of them goes to pick it up, when he sees a very tiny gnome jump out and scurry away. The terror is palpable.
The Gnomes Are Coming to Get You
As you can see, gnomes are a real threat. I don’t know what they want or why, in some cases, they are attacking people. Perhaps we have infringed on their gnome rights in some way.
Whatever the case, remember to always be vigilant. Do not walk alone in gnome-infested territory at night. Stay safe out there!