April Fools’ Day 2015 Paranormal Roundup

By on April 6, 2015 // L'Absurde // 1 Comment

Image: Max Brice and Daniel Dominguez/CERN
Image: Max Brice and Daniel Dominguez/CERN

Every April Fools’ Day is a minefield. Those of us who work on paranormal websites, or enjoy paranormal stories, enter into this uncertain, murky territory where we don’t exactly know what to believe. I mean, more than usual.

For example, on April 1, 2015…

The Alberta Conservation Association (ACA) Found Bigfoot

“On March 3rd 2015,” read a shocking update by the ACA, “two Alberta Conservation Association biologists were conducting a routine visit to one of ACA’s conservation sites when they came across a set of animal tracks they could not identify.”

The story went on to explain how the two biologists were hiking across a game trail to “retrieve photos from trail cameras” when they discovered a large humanoid footprint with “very distinct toes.” The tracks led to their camera.

“Because we were really curious as to what was making the tracks,” said Fenson, one of the biologists, “We immediately played the video. There were a couple videos of deer walking past, a moose, a few coyotes, and then the clip that gave me the shivers.”

Well, watching the video up there, you’re probably thinking people believed that? You’d be surprised! The ACA article was later updated to reflect that, yes, it was an April Fools’ joke, but “you never know what you might discover!”

Scientists Found Parts of a Spaceship in a Siberian Crater…Before They Went Missing

Those Siberian craters are troublesome on their own, but on April 1 The Siberian Times thought they’d have a little fun and report that a Russian Academy of Sciences team had gone missing while exploring one of them. What’s more, they reported finding an “unidentified object resembling a space capsule” before losing contact.

“The scientists said the grey-coloured object was made of a metal ‘unknown on Earth,’” claimed The Siberian Times, “They reported a ‘hostile environment’ at the 48 metre deep crater but did not give further details before their call was cut.”

Or, and I’m just throwing this out there, maybe this one wasn’t an April Fools’ prank and just got lost in the shuffle. Or not. Moving on…

CERN Discovered the Force

So the LHC just booted up (I think), despite some aforementioned bumps in the road. I’ll post about that later. But is there any point to it, anymore? After all, on April 1 CERN officially announced they had discovered the Force!

“Though four fundamental forces – the strong force, the weak force, the electromagnetic force and gravity – have been well documented and confirmed in experiments over the years, CERN announced today the first unequivocal evidence for the Force. ‘Very impressive, this result is,’ said a diminutive green spokesperson for the laboratory.”

But on April 2, they revealed it was just an “April fool,” retroactively disappointing the 15-year-old version of myself who used to run a Jedi meditation website.

Earth’s Tilt Changed. A lot.

Scientists, in collaboration with “Google Maps Scientists” (is that a thing?), revealed on April 1 that the Earth’s tilt has slipped, causing the equator to move southward.

To the point that Australia will become a “northern hemisphere country” by the year 2055. Yikes.

Razer Announced Project McFly, the Hovering Mouse

On April 1, Alain Mazer, Global Public Relations Director at Razer, was proud to announce “the future in gaming mice.” That’s right: Project McFly, a hovering computer mouse. I want one.

PlentyOfFish Announced Mars For Two

Image: PlentyOfFish

Image: PlentyOfFish

With Mars One claiming they’ll establish a human colony on the Red Planet by 2027, and NASA making strides to accomplish the same, on April 1, 2015 the dating website PlentyOfFish revealed they, too, were having a go at those awesome space adventures.

“PlentyOfFish is officially announcing the launch of our very own Mars pioneer program today, “Mars for Two.” Teaming up with a private partner specializing in space exploration, PlentyOfFish will be granting singles a chance to find the love of their lives, and establish a permanent human settlement on Mars. The launch date has been set for 2025.”

You’d better make sure you really get along, though, because a trip to Mars is kind of a one-way deal. And there’s not a whole lot to do there.

As PlentyOfFish said in their announcement: “Research and significant insight into the complexities of human relationships and true compatibility will provide an immeasurable wealth of new knowledge for future research on both Mars and Earth.”

Bing Revealed Palm Search Technology

Image: Microsoft Bing

Image: Microsoft Bing

Typing is too hard. It’s slow, and nobody can spell. That’s why Microsoft’s Bing announced “Palm Search,” a breakthrough technology that interprets electrical signals in users’ palms to read their minds and search for exactly what they’re thinking.

“The innovative new search function intelligently analyses the electrical signals transmitted through the hand to calculate the relevant search term. If you’re using a PC, laptop or tablet, visit the Bing homepage and use Palm Search by placing your hand against the screen and simply think about what you’d like to search for.”

I wonder. I wonder if anyone tried.

Dragons Exist!

And finally we have this: Dragons once existed, claimed research posted at Nature on April 1, and they may return again.

“Further work has revealed that the early medieval period was a veritable paradise for dragons. This can be attributed to the period’s unusually warm temperatures (Fig. 2) and an abundance of knights, the beasts’ favourite combatant and food. It was also a time when wealth and status were measured in terms of gold and silver — the preferred nesting material for Western dragons. As a result, the major needs for living, feeding and, crucially, relaxation were readily available to dragons, allowing populations to flourish.”

The dragons faded into obscurity as conditions became unfavorable for them, and their existence was ultimately hidden from the population through the use of a bewitching “neurotransfer spell” that makes everyone believe any magical phenomena they experience is just a product of their imaginations.

But the economic downturn and rising global temperatures, the research suggests, could lead to a resurgence in these creatures once thought to be nothing more than myth.

And that was this year’s April Fools’ Day. I’m sure I missed some, so if you know of any other paranormal pranks that happened this month, feel free to share them below.

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About the Author

Rob Schwarz is a writer, blogger, and part-time peddler of mysterious tales. He manages Stranger Dimensions in between changing aquarium filters and reading bad novels about mermaids.
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  • Theo

    Nice 😀 LHC disappointed me though