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Top 5 Celebrity Time Travelers

By on May 23, 2013 at 9:40 am - 10 Comments

What’s the number one rule of time travel?

Don’t ever let anyone take your picture! How many times do we have to go over this? Not taking the proper precautions during your impromptu time voyages could easily create a time paradox, the result of which could cause a chain reaction that would unravel the very fabric of the space-time continuum and destroy the entire universe!

But whatever. No one listens. Here are five examples of high-profile celebrities who just can’t seem to follow the rules…

Jay-Z in 1939

jay-z-time-travel

In this photograph, we see rapper Jay-Z as he takes a short break from the modern age and zips back to Harlem, 1939.

Yeah, real cool. You hear that sound in the background? That’s the Horsehead Nebula exploding into a billion billion tiny bits of fractured space-time. Oh, but it gets worse…

Nicholas Cage in 1870

cage-vampire

This old-timey photograph clearly shows everyone’s favorite madman, Nicholas Cage, during a brief stop in Tennessee circa 1870. The photo popped up on eBay a couple years ago, with the seller claiming that Cage is, in fact, “some sort of walking undead / vampire,” capable of reinventing himself “once every 75 years or so.” But we all know the truth.

Put the Flux Capacitor away, Mr. Cage.

John Travolta, Victorian Style

john-travolta-vampire

This one, an ambrotype of John Travolta in the Victorian era, also ended up on eBay. Oh, what’s that? These are just lookalikes and the people who listed the photos on eBay were just having a laugh? I don’t understand the question and I won’t respond to it.

Keanu Reeves, the First Immortal

Portrait of a Man

And this painting, which can apparently be found at the Uffizi Gallery in Florence, Italy, showcases who else? Keanu Reeves. It’s titled “Portrait of a Man.”

keanu-time-traveler-whoa

Whoa.

But wait, there’s more.

reeves_mounet

Here’s a side-by-side comparison of Keanu Reeves and French actor Paul Mounet, who lived from 1847-1922. And, just to round things out, here’s another comparison of Reeves over the years:

keanu-reeves-immortal

Vampires, time travelers. Do we have to be particular? In this case, one of three things is happening: either Keanu Reeves is a time traveler, a top-secret cloning experiment, or an immortal who feasts on the blood of young virgins every Halloween. The guy doesn’t age.

Michael Cera, Circa 1930s

michael-cera-time-travel

And finally, here’s a black-and-white photo of Michael Cera as he parties away (albeit uncomfortably) among the fine ladies of 1930s Germany.

michael-cera-in-time

He was so excited to hear that Netflix picked up Arrested Development for a fourth season (releasing this Sunday!?!) that he harnessed the power of a supernova ala Doctor Who and ripped a hole in the space-time continuum. He also may or may not have played a role in igniting WWII.

I just hope it was worth it, Mr. Manager.

So remember, folks: if you’re going to travel through time, wear a big hat or something. And put your cell phones away. Sooner or later the whole universe is going to go POP! and this is why.

About the Author

Rob Schwarz is a freelance writer, blogger, and part-time peddler of mysterious tales. Follow him on Twitter @Dimentoid or on Google+, and be sure to like Stranger Dimensions on Facebook!
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  • John Bossi

    I would volunteer to go back in time, just so I could talk to my dad one last time, before I was born. I’m wouldn’t change history, but I’d love to see how the 1950’s was in our country. Maybe see how the great Pyramid was built. Those in black Op’s ,call me if you need someone to go back.lol

  • zonkedout1

    I think that picture of Michael Cera is actually a girl. Don’t ask why. I don’t know.

    • maizy

      well maybe he came out of the closet since no one back then could tell the difference.

  • Alberto Paez

    I would love to mingle among the likes of Bette Davis, Barbara Stanwyck, Joan Crawford, Claudette Colbert, Rosalind Russell, and the like. Oh to be friends with the movie stars of the 40’s…

  • Amanda Pursell

    Speaking of Dr. Who, there is a photo of a man who looks very similar to Matt Smith hanging out with the Beatles, and a video of him playing drums for Tom Jones on Top of the Pops in the early 60s.

  • Pingback: Evidence for time travel on Twitter is not there, unsurprisingly « The Science Bit()

  • janniemk

    Time traveling might be a good way to see if the Butterfly Effect theory is correct.

  • sarah

    Obviously hasnt seen jonah hill hanging out with hitler

  • Hallie

    People the JAY-Z PICTURE could have been JAY-Z’s grandad.

  • Mike Towle

    So, we have Nicolas Cage and John Travolta here. Funny how they ended up in a movie called Face-Off together. Maybe it was filmed in like 1890 or whatever.